I don't want to be a missionary right now
Today I had the thought over and over again. "I do not want to be a missionary". It was to be completely honest: terrible. It is difficult to know the Lord needs me here, but not necessarily want to be here?
Luckily we had accounting with the Sister Training Leaders, Sister Farnsworth and Sister Barnes, whom I love dearly. At the end of the call they asked, "So how are y'all doing mentally?" And before I said anything Sister Cobb totally threw me under the bus, moreso into the loving arms of my STL's, and said, "Sister Wastlund, you have lots of things to say." Thank goodness for loving companions. Sister Barnes said, "Sister Wastlund, I literally tell Sister Farnsworth nearly every day that I don't like being a missionary. Whoever said the mission is the best IS A LIAR! It is hard every single day for so many reasons. I prayed that it would fly by because it seemed so long. I got you girl. I'm sure Sister Farnsworth has got some good advice." Sister Farnsworth said, "Sister Wastlund, don't feel guilty about it. Something I love about Moroni is that he deeply feels his emotions. Be like Moroni. It is okay to feel those emotions! Moroni wrote Pahoran with some intense passion and Pahoran accepted it calmly, told him to calm down a bit. Moroni is STILL an incredible leader and disciple. Be passionate about your feelings. Don't feel guilty about not loving your mission or not loving being a missionary."
I was totally Moroni today and Sister Cobb was calm Pahoran. I love these sisters. God truly does answer our prayers through others. Sometimes it is our mom or dad, sometimes our leaders, sometimes our temporary or eternal companion. Each are endowed with priesthood power to aid us in our life mission. We know who we know for divine reasons. I am grateful for priesthood leaders, in this case my STL's and companion.
To say the least, I am excited for Preparation Day tomorrow. I'm hoping to join my fam for scripture study. :) Oh, yay! That thought is what has got me through this week. Just a normal scripture study with my family. Except I am thousands of miles away and it is via video call. But hey! I'm sure I'll have to do that a few times with my own future family. It will all be well.
"If it's not alright, it's not over." -President Gordon B. Hinckley. Well, I am not alright right now, but that's okay because my life mission is not yet over. It won't be until I am within the presence of my Father and family again in the glorious mansions which are being prepared for my family. How excited I am for that day!
Luckily we had accounting with the Sister Training Leaders, Sister Farnsworth and Sister Barnes, whom I love dearly. At the end of the call they asked, "So how are y'all doing mentally?" And before I said anything Sister Cobb totally threw me under the bus, moreso into the loving arms of my STL's, and said, "Sister Wastlund, you have lots of things to say." Thank goodness for loving companions. Sister Barnes said, "Sister Wastlund, I literally tell Sister Farnsworth nearly every day that I don't like being a missionary. Whoever said the mission is the best IS A LIAR! It is hard every single day for so many reasons. I prayed that it would fly by because it seemed so long. I got you girl. I'm sure Sister Farnsworth has got some good advice." Sister Farnsworth said, "Sister Wastlund, don't feel guilty about it. Something I love about Moroni is that he deeply feels his emotions. Be like Moroni. It is okay to feel those emotions! Moroni wrote Pahoran with some intense passion and Pahoran accepted it calmly, told him to calm down a bit. Moroni is STILL an incredible leader and disciple. Be passionate about your feelings. Don't feel guilty about not loving your mission or not loving being a missionary."
I was totally Moroni today and Sister Cobb was calm Pahoran. I love these sisters. God truly does answer our prayers through others. Sometimes it is our mom or dad, sometimes our leaders, sometimes our temporary or eternal companion. Each are endowed with priesthood power to aid us in our life mission. We know who we know for divine reasons. I am grateful for priesthood leaders, in this case my STL's and companion.
To say the least, I am excited for Preparation Day tomorrow. I'm hoping to join my fam for scripture study. :) Oh, yay! That thought is what has got me through this week. Just a normal scripture study with my family. Except I am thousands of miles away and it is via video call. But hey! I'm sure I'll have to do that a few times with my own future family. It will all be well.
"If it's not alright, it's not over." -President Gordon B. Hinckley. Well, I am not alright right now, but that's okay because my life mission is not yet over. It won't be until I am within the presence of my Father and family again in the glorious mansions which are being prepared for my family. How excited I am for that day!
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